What do you do?

I love Houston and I love my job! I think I have the greatest job in the world! The only problem with being an actuary is that it's kind of hard to describe. I've said all of the following, and they are all true.
I am a consultant.
I calculate risk.
I count dead people.
I work with pension plans.
No, I am not in finance.
It's confidential.
Eh, you don't really want to know.
I help calculate pension plan benefits.
It's kind of like that guy in Along Came Polly, but not quite.
I fill out government forms.
I can't tell you. 

So, what my division of my company does is they work with companies with pension plans. Then, we help them know how much money they need to keep in their pension fund to avoid government sanctions and to be able to pay all their liabilities. We also help them estimate or calculate benefits that they owe employees for their profit sharing or pension plans. Then, we fill out the necessary government forms and we file them. We also can help design these sorts of plans, I think. Don't quote me on that last one. Also, we go out to lunch a lot (twice a week for every week thus far), we play games at lunchtime on Fridays (last time was Pictionary), we have ping-pong tournaments (my game could be improved) and apparently we have lots of good cooks who bring yummy baked goods to the office. There have only been cookies once thus far, and my waistline approves but my tummy does not. But again, my job is great and I am loving it here!